Saying no used to scare the crap out of me. Being the people pleaser that I am, I was afraid saying no would let someone down, make me look bad or hurt someone else’s feelings.
What if they don’t like me anymore?
What if they get mad at me?
What if I miss out?
These are the kinds of thoughts that would swim through my head. Then I realized something: saying ‘no’ to the things that don’t quite serve you or light you up is actually saying YES to yourself.
Let me repeat that because it’s a biggie: Saying ‘no’ to the things that don’t serve you or light you up is actually saying YES to yourself.
Doesn’t that take the pressure off like whoa? When you look at it this way, saying no actually puts you in a place of power, control and confidence. Rather than being concerned about what other’s think of you, you step into a place of feminine confidence.
And the more you say no with purpose, the more fabulous you feel. (Trust me.)
Lately, I’ve set some boundaries for myself in order to stick to it, and make sure I don’t fall back into old habits. One of my favorite things to do is anytime I’m torn or have to make a big decision, I ask myself two simple questions:
Is this serving me in a way that feels good to me right now?
Am I excited by this opportunity?
If the answer is no, I know in my heart that saying yes would only hurt me in the long run — by stressing me out, burning me out or making me resent saying yes in the first place. By saying no to those “meh” opportunities, you make way for those shining, sparkling “Hell ya!” opportunities, all while coming from a place of authenticity.
Recently, I’ve had this come up in my life twice in the past week. For one, I said no to an opportunity that would bring in a great deal of money, but the kind of work I’d be doing didn’t feel right or true to me. I wasn’t excited, and I knew I’d be miserable so I said ‘no’ with confidence.
Then just yesterday, I passed up on an opportunity with my blog, when a brand approached me and wanted me to promote their new product line (without actually giving me a sample of the product or paying me any compensation). While old me would have said yes years ago to be “nice,” I said no because I’m not going to put my heart + effort into something without getting anything back AND I had no previous relationship with the brand. When you’re like me and give, give, give all the time, it’s really important to also receive.
Long story short, there is no shame in saying no. In fact, when you say no from a place of confidence and authenticity, it’s actually pretty darn admirable.
I want to hear from you! Do you struggle with saying no? What are your top techniques for saying ‘no’ to something you truly don’t want to do?