One month ago, I posted this on instagram:
“I weighed myself for the first time in over a year today. (I broke up with the scale years ago as I used to be the one who weighed myself 5 times a day + obsessed over calories.) Anyway, the number on the scale showed that I gained about 8 to 10 pounds since our last encounter.
Old me would have cried, gone on a new diet + then binged on peanut butter at midnight. New me took a deep breath + felt a sense of relief. Maybe I weigh a bit more, but I’m happy in my body. I’m healthy. I’m in a loving relationship. I have my kale and my cheese…my wine and my green juice. I’m me. I’m a woman. And guess what, in a few months from now I may weigh 10 pounds less…or 5 pounds more. And that’s OK. Because really, who the hell cares? All that truly matters in the end is how you FEEL. ❤”
I left the gym that cold, wintery night feeling proud of all I have overcome, and shook off the whole weight thing.
Yet lo and behold, about a week later I received a little visit from my old friend: self-doubt. I started to question how I let myself get there. I began noticing that my jeans indeed were pretty tight (maybe a little too tight for comfort). I wondered if maybe I got a little to comfy with the ease of take-out pad thai, ignoring my little ol’ stove.
It didn’t feel so good anymore.
So, I decided to move forward and do something about it. No, not about my weight or my body but shifting the way I felt about it. Instead of jumping on the latest Weight Watchers bandwagon or cleansing on a green-juice-only detox, I wanted to get back to the basics of feeling good in my body. My body.
Because, after all, no one else can dictate how you feel in your body.
Flash-forward a month, and I am enjoying the journey. I’ve been making an effort to forge through the bitter cold weather here in Boston to sweat it out at the gym or catch a heart-pumping, soul-rejuvenating spin class…even when I’m “too busy.” I’ve been saving my money (most nights) by cooking with fresh, seasonal ingredients vs. taking the easy way out. Don’t get me wrong, takeout has its time and place but not when it’s taking over!
I’ve been eating clean (for the most part), drinking a ton of water with lemon, and avoiding gluten as much as I can because I know the grogginess and tummy ache I get afterward simply isn’t worth it. And I’ve been prioritizing sleep, self-care and cozy, unplugged time with my hubby.
I’m a work in progress, but I am started to feel better in my body, one step at a time. After all, it really is about the little things you do for yourself every day.
It’s funny how old ghosts you thought were gone can come back to haunt you when you least expect it. But it’s how you deal with it that truly matters.
What about you? Have you ever struggled with the number on the scale? What makes you feel best in your body?