I think there’s a major misconception that the things in which we read/see/experience online are a clear & accurate depiction of real life.
Sometimes we get into the mindset that all the fabulous foodies, fit friends, cool creatives, and gorgeous gurus are living the dream and we’re left “behind” in a little hole. Stuck. Alone. #Failure
Have you ever felt that way?
Oh boy can I ever relate! One of my #1 intentions for “28″ is to let go of the comparisons to other women, recognizing that their successes and strengths in no way makes me weaker. I’m working on it. I’m a work in progress.
And just as I compare myself to others sometimes, I recognize that as a blogger and social media addict I too can come across as having that “perfect” life when in reality it couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from perfect and have absolutely no desire in being perfect.
I get you. I feel you. I am a lot like you, and I am also so very different from you. (And that’s what makes it beautiful.)
In the spirit of keeping it real, today I wanted to let you in on what my life looks like behind the scenes — the every day stuff, the good, the bad, the ugly and the straight up weird.
The raw stuff. The core of who I am. Because after all, I am not my Instagram account.
I am not my number of followers, number of workouts completed, or number of gourmet meals I cooked in a single day. I am not always that smiley, filtered selfie, the perfectly happy wife, “the lucky one.”
I am a real girl with strengths and struggles, and I am OK with being vulnerable and letting you in.
In all honesty, I am pretty confident in my body and have come along way, but I still struggle every now and then thinking my thighs are too big or my boobs are too small. In fact, my energy healer recently told me that my 2nd “Sacral” Chakra (the one that governs confidence, creativity, and sexuality) is one that I’ll be working on quite a bit this year. I can be insecure and I am learning to be OK with that.
I cry… a lot. Maybe I don’t instagram my tears, but I am an incredibly sensitive, compassionate woman who is driven to tears by the little things and the big things. When I feel anxious, lost or fear, I let it out with tears and talking — I’ve never been one to hold back. I am learning to accept that I am an emotional soul and that there is nothing wrong with that.
Sometimes I go a week without working out. Other times, I move my body every day. I listen to what my body tells me it’s craving, and I do that. Some days movement may include stand-up paddle-boarding, a long walk or hiking. Lately I’ve been enjoying rejuvenating yoga classes and light, mind-clearing runs. I’ve also been feeling a strong urge to dance & move my body in new ways of late. In a few months from now, that may change. But I am listening. I am learning.
When I tell people I am a Certified Health and Wellness Coach,” I often hear things like, “Oh gosh, don’t judge me!” or “I’m cheating today…don’t look at what I’m eating.” I’m not judging you, darling. I would never do that. As a health coach, I relate to you more than anything. We are all on our own journeys and I truly don’t believe in “perfection” or telling someone else what to do / what to eat/ how to live. That is so not how I roll. I respect who you are and where you’re at. ‘Cause guess what? We’re all on our own path. And I’ve totally been there. Those people who make you feel like they’re better than you, or that they can fix you? They’ve been there too! (And you are just as good as them!)
I like cooking, but I’m not in love with it like my grandmother or my mom. Often times, my husband cooks really delicious, homemade meals for me. I like to keep it simple and I’m totally a cook-whatever’s-in-the-fridge kind o’ gal. I don’t really like recipes or measuring things out, and I’ve never been a baker. I eat what my body wants to eat, and cook whatever the heck I feel like. Sometimes I order take-out pad thai. Sometimes I want a kale caesar salad. Sometimes I put on an apron, pour myself a glass of cab and make a fancy “gourmet meal.” Sometimes I am not really even that hungry until 9:30 p.m. Sometimes I go all out on the cheese & cracker platter! While sometimes we wine & dine, most nights are spent eating in our little cozy kitchen or living room with our PJs on & the AC cranked up. I love it all. I love food.
Speaking of, I used to hate food. Or I loved it so much that in turn I hated it. I was afraid of food, weighed myself 5 times a day, and counted every damn calorie I put in my mouth. I lived in a world of restriction, and it completely consumed my life. Maybe it seems like I have it all together now, but my life used to look a lot different. And it breaks my heart to know other girls go through this every day, and that’s what drives me to share my story… every day. I do it for me, and I do it for you.
I got married this past October, and am completely in love with my husband. But we still fight sometimes. And guess what? We live in a small-ish apartment in Brookline and (gasp!) have yet to buy a house or have any plans to do so in the immediate future. Sometimes this makes me insecure and I’ll compare myself to my other home-owner friends. But then I remind myself that we have enough and that life is pretty darn swell. Married life isn’t “perfect” but it is an amazing, beautiful thing.
When you get to know me in real life, you’ll know that I can be a super weirdo. Speaking in public scares the crap out of me, but I forge through to embrace my fears. I’m color blind, and once colored a tree trunk green and the leaves brown in art class…oops! Oh, and I can be super awkward, like the time I accidentally walked around Boston for a solid 45-minutes with no idea that my pencil dress was slit wide open up to my back. Yes, I gave the entire city including the D line a little “show.” I also HATE doing the dishes, so my wonderful husband does them for me because he says he’ll do them better anyway.
I may practice yoga often (and post photos of me with my cute yoga leggings!), but I am far from a “perfect yogi.” I can’t do crow pose, and I still often have my downward dogs adjusted. My favorite pose is goddess, and I absolutely love breath of joy, especially when Cara Gilman incorporates it into her classes just for me I don’t do yoga for the poses or the “look.” I do yoga for my mind; it calms my anxiety and makes me feel more connected to myself.
Maybe I don’t instagram it, but I often worry about money and can be an extremely anxious person. Will I have enough? What does my future hold? jhdhjdslhfdksdhd!!! I am slowly learning to embrace the here and now, and trust in the universe. Thank goodness for essential oils and good ol’ self care!
I posted about how I quit my job a couple months ago to go back working for myself. But what you may not know is that it was one of the hardest decisions of my life. That many nights were full of tears, anxiety, doubt and anger. Leaving security behind was not easy, nor was explaining it to those around me who just didn’t get it. But I trust in my self that I made the best decision for me. And that’s what truly matters.
I have bad days & I have fat days. I have romantic moments & experiences where I can’t believe this is really my life. I don’t post or instagram all of this, as I honor those personal, sacred moments for myself. But know that like everyone, we all go through ups & downs, ebbs & flows and that is all part of the glorious journey of life.
Life is not perfect, nor am I anywhere close to perfect. I am a work in progress. We all are. Remember that Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/blog posts only depict a snapshot of real life (from the yogis to the cool fashion blogger chick with 100k followers).
Someone else’s “glamorous” feed doesn’t make your everyday stuff any less fabulous. Because guess what? You’re pretty darn fabulous!