Healthy Chicks

Now that I’m approaching the one-year mark into this journey of motherhood (seriously, how?), I’ve been spending some time reflecting on the past year. Along with the joyous memories of baby coos, snuggles and those first giggles — which are seriously heart-melting — I can’t forget those challenging early days.

Being a mom is the most rewarding thing in the world, but taking care of a newborn is no joke!

While I was so overjoyed by my little bundle of joy finally being here in my arms, I was also overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness, confusion, doubt, and yes — sleep deprivation. This post from a week-and-a-half in sums up my feelings perfectly:

 

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Today was tough. Hubs went back to work this week, and little one has been cluster feeding during the day a.k.a. glued to the boob and nursing on the hour. 🤱 She screamed at the top of her lungs from 1-5pm unless I was holding her, and peed all over the changing table and her new outfit. I attempted to toast and reheat a waffle 3 times, which ended in one super burnt mess that I never got to eat (along with my coffee that went cold). Hubby came home to two crying girls, and the lingering of something burning in the kitchen and quickly came to the rescue -kissing me and then grabbing baby. “You are an amazing mom,” he reassured me. 〰️ Things are now quieter, and hubs is getting dinner ready and gently rocking our little girl. “It’s hard to believe she’s not going to be this tiny forever,” he said sweetly, and we both looked at her in amazement. Reminding myself that this is a phase, and I’m doing more than OK at this whole mom thing. And hey, we got a couple 3 hour sleep stretches last night and I got a shower this morning. Motherhood isn’t easy but it’s the most rewarding and beautiful thing I’ve ever done. Isabella Rose, you are so special and so loved. 🌹#momlife #keepinitreal #newmom

A post shared by Rachel Kaczynski (@healthychicks) on Sep 7, 2018 at 5:11pm PDT

Here’s the thing: no one tells you how to do this whole mom thing and nothing quite prepares you for what’s to come, but having support and someone to tell you, “Hey, you’ve got this” is huge in the early days.

That’s why I decided to pick the brains of some of my favorite mama pals to give you some real, raw advice for navigating early motherhood because quite honestly “Sleep when the baby sleeps” just doesn’t cut it. Enjoy!

1. Find Your Tribe & Ask for Help

While those first days as a new mom can be extremely magical, it can also feel lonely. Boston writer and mama Jessica Latshaw says to reach out and ask for support when you need it. “I think a lot of people ‘don’t want to bother’ a new mama, because they assume they’re consumed with their newborn. They are consumed with their newborn, but it gets lonely. Ask your friends to come hang out.”

Mom blogger at EarthyMamacado Lexi Haverly says while she was resistant to ask for help at first, it’s been key for her self care, wellbeing and health. “I have lowered my expectations and have lined up services such as meal delivery and laundry for when times get extra hard,” she says. “Weather it is hiring someone to assist with cooking, cleaning, and general life or just asking a friend or family member to help when they ask if there’s anything they can do, it is so worth it to speak up and let go of the ‘I can do it all’ approach.”

Yogi girl mama Megan Donovan concurs, and encourages you to find your tribe of people who lift you up and “get” you. “This can be IRL (exercise classes, music classes, breastfeeding support groups) or on social media or group chats/texts,” she says.

2. Don’t Be Afraid To Set Boundaries

Having support during the early days is monumental, but constant visits can also feel overwhelming for a new mama who’s learning to adjust and bond with her baby. With that said, don’t be afraid to set boundaries and spend some time alone with your new little family.

Oakland based mama and copywriter Celsea Jenkins recommends avoiding over-planning during the first few weeks and being cautious about who you let in. “Embrace the fourth trimester as a time to hunker down, be topless, and adjust to your new life together. That means only inviting people in that will be truly helpful,” she says. Megan adds: “Let go of anyone or anything taking up unnecessary time and energy; it’s far too precious to waste on Instagram influencers whose perfect newsfeed makes you feel bad or lacking in any way.”

3. Don’t Forget to Eat

Between nursing, pumping, late-night feedings and rocking your babe to sleep, it can be easy to forget to eat…but mama needs fuel just as much as baby. The solution? Jessica says don’t be afraid to ask all those visitors to bring food! “There is no shame in drawing on the support of your community—especially when life has recently changed so drastically.”

Need more support? Celsea recommends setting up a meal train for yourself, complete with all of the healthy foods you like. “Trust me, takeout gets old really fast and it’s nice to have a fridge stocked with home-cooked food!” And if you’re looking for something to do during the final nesting phase of your pregnancy, here are some of my favorite freezer-friendly batch recipes I prepared for myself when I was nine months pregnant. Trust me, cooking is going to be the last thing on your mind.

4. Remember Everything is Just a Phase

Almost every mama I spoke with said the same thing: everything is temporary. This is especially helpful when you’re in the thick of it — nursing in the middle of the night, caring for a sick child or changing your zillionth diaper of the day.

Yoga teacher and run coach Cara Gilman says it’s important to remember these moments will pass, giving you an opportunity to start fresh again. “The joyous, heart-melting moments full of love will also pass too, which can be equally as difficult as we watch our little loves change and grow into themselves,” Cara says. “Breathe in these moments, take in all the love, and remember these times when the hard moments come; knowing that again, everything is temporary and constantly changing.”

Yoga teacher and mama to a sweet baby boy Kelley Abatzis sums the postpartum phase up perfectly: “Enjoy every moment, even when it gets tough, count your blessings and appreciate all you have and this special time with your little one. Nothing lasts forever.”

5. Give yourself time to Heal

I don’t know about you, but no one really told me what to expect from the postpartum period; I was just so excited to meet my little girl that I didn’t really think ahead that far. But it’s certainly an adjustment period! Heck, you grow a baby for nine months, birth the baby and then you’re sent home with some mesh undies, a sitz bottle for “down there,” and a helpless newborn.

The best thing you can do? Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal. Megan says it’s so important to give yourself time and let go of that “bounce back” mentality society often places on women. “It takes up to 9 to 10 months to make a baby, and that doesn’t even include the hormonal changes that can happen far before that due to coming off of hormonal birth control, undergoing fertility treatments or going through a miscarriage,” she says. “The fact that often women are expected to bounce back within 6-weeks is crazy!”

So what’s a new mom to do? While you might not have the luxury of taking a lengthy maternity leave (which is standard in some other countries), you can slowly get back into things that make you feel like you. Megan’s tips? Try walking instead of running, wait to have sex until it actually feels good, and buy a new wardrobe to fit your new body and lifestyle. Can we get a fist pump for high-waisted yoga pants?

6. Check in with Your Mental Health

Speaking of giving yourself time to heal, it’s equally important to check in with your mental health during this precious postpartum period. Health Coach Ciara of Ciara Clark Wellness says that while it’s easy to put your needs on hold, it’s important to shift your focus inward by putting yourself first.

“Sometimes we forget to even brush our teeth, never mind taking a night out to catch up with our girlfriends,” Ciara says. “We’re doing it all, so it’s really important for us, and as women, to discern what’s really best for us and our wellness. Our mental health is so, so key.” Not sure where to start? Ciara says simply start with the mindset of being OK where you are now, reminding yourself, “I am doing the best I can.”

And if you’re feeling the mom guilt we all feel at some point, Megan says to remember that what is best for you is best for your baby. “A happy, healthy and sane mama is the very best gift you can give them so take that yoga class or plan a girls’ night out, or schedule that massage guilt-free. You deserve the best, and your baby deserves the best version you!” she says.

7. Take it One Day at a Time

Speaking of doing what’s best for you, sometimes that may look like simply doing nothing. And that’s totally OK by the way! Working mama and spin instructor Kaylin Fillippelli says to drop the guilt. “Try not to feel guilty for doing nothing…yes, even not showering for the day!” Instead of trying to do it all, she suggests picking one thing everyday you want to do for you — like a shower, brushing your teeth, making a meal, or taking a nap. And let yourself truly enjoy it!

8. Buy a New Pair of Jeans (and Some Wine)

Your body changes after having a baby and it’s normal for your old clothes not to fit right away…or ever again. Your body is miraculous and grew a baby!

Instead of waiting for your favorite skinny jeans to fit, Kaylin recommends going out to buy some clothes that fit and most importantly, that you feel good in. “I wanted to wear a real pair of jeans so bad and I didn’t want to be discouraged by my ‘old’ size,” she says. “Buying a couple pairs that fit me gave me the confidence and boost I needed to feel ‘normal’ again even if it was just for a run to Target and back home.” One more thing? She says enjoy the glass of wine too!

9. Create Mini Wellness Rituals

Sure, you may not have the time to escape for a spa day, but you can make little tweaks at home to create a zen atmosphere. One of my favorite rituals in the early days was hiding in the bathroom with the door closed, especially on rough nights where I was thinking “What the heck am I even doing?”

I’d light a candle, do a sitz bath soak, drink a cup of Earth Mama tea and sometimes I’d cry. (There’s no shame in crying, by the way!) It may not seem like much, but to a new mama this alone time is absolute gold.

10. Know that You are Rocking it

You just grew and birthed a human being, and your body is absolutely magical! To these little bundles, you are superwoman. So remind yourself that you rock and you are doing a much better job than you think you’re doing. Still don’t believe it? Maybe this letter from my sweet Isabella “Dear Mama, You are Enough” will help.

You rock, mama! Want more #momlife support? I’ve got you covered!