Hey It’s OK…to Feel Your Feelings
The other week, my little girl and I dressed up in matching fairy “butterfly wings.” She insisted on wearing the pink ones, and me the purple (which I gladly accepted — it’s my fave color).
We giggled and laughed and flapped our wings… it was pure bliss.
Fast forward to later that day: she had one of her classic toddler tantrums. I think it was because I wouldn’t give her another Larabar or because her block castle fell down — it’s all a blur. But it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day.
What matters is how you choose to respond. Lately, I’ve really been working on the language I use when speaking with my daughter. While it’s tempting to say, “Stop crying” or “It’s OK,” I’ve been trying to shift my language to let her feel all her feelings.
Here are some responses I’ve been using in those tantrum moments: “What’s going on, love bug?” “I see you’re mad. Grr..Are you feeling angry?” “We’re going to have lunch first and then we can have another yummy snack later.” “Do you want a hug?”
And guess what? It works. It’s not magic, it’s just a shift in language.
Here’s a secret: it works for adults too! Ahem, being told “Calm down!” is the absolutely worst. Who’s with me?
It’s time we give ourselves permission to feel our feelings and allow the people around you (big or little) to feel them too.
April 11th, 2021 at 12:01 pm
I love the way you validate your daughter’s feelings first and then help her to see a different way of viewing the situation that can change her emotions. She will grow up knowing how to respond kindly to her inner child and wield the power of choosing her thoughts. Brilliant!